Azraielle (azraielle) wrote,

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*rubbing my tummy*

God yesterday was a stressfull horrid day terms of weather ... events ... life in general

I hadnt slept in 48 hrs n had to take my cousin to an appt at 8 in morning .. n i couldnt even breakfast kaz she wanted to mcd's n i dont eat breakfast from well actually i rarely eat breakfast from anyone

Then i had to ride all the way to far rockaway ..where i manage to freeze off 1 and a half nipples in her doorways while she fiddled with her keys .. n preceeded to freeze while she slept in living with blankets n i slept in fetal postion cold ..blah

Then i had to take her back to Brooklyn for anthor appt this was sprung on my ..a starving ..hormonal frozen pregnant woman ....lets just say my reaction wasnt ..quiet to say the least ...

Then my aunt once she picks us up has the nere to get snippy when itell i want something to eat after i just finished taking her child around ny . on no sleep or food ! .. that convo was short lived and i was soon fed

i then went home to bad cramping n killer migrane for whic i can take no medication .. so i just cried quietly in living till my friend calls me inform me that while i'm going through the joys of pregnancy he's in mall spending money on this bald no tits no ass heifer which isnt what upsets me but you (meanign him ) have the nerve to ask me no to be with anyone during prenancy .. u want me to this that ... meanwhiel u cant evn get me the fresh fruit i asked u for but u got time n money to go to mall on a shitty ass day with anthor shorty while i'm in major pain ..well ... lets just say i wont be the only one in pain for long once i catch up with him

And for the record let me state why i am no longer with said ex because :

1. Things like this ..he's a fucking liar ..constantly .. abotu any little thing i dont want to deal with it anymore .. he lies about stupid stuff also .. not even the big stuff that i'm sweating it's liek the silliest shit

2. He supposedly hit on my cousin both have opposing stories of course i chose not to deal with it but as this ame out when we were already about to break up ... it's the anvil that broke the camels back yanno

3. When i just asked for some time he let me kno that he wanted nothing to do with me fine .. i informed him that i was possibly pregnant he said lemme kno when i was postive .. i did he didnt want it then he did on the stipulation that i be with him ... but we still have same issues as before he cant tell the THRUTH to save himself ... he's always telling lies and i cant abide by that so i told him till we cleared up our issues we werent getting back togther and why couldnt we just concentrate on the cild to which he told me if we couldnt be together he didnt want the child .. i said fine .. i'd have his parental rights papers for him to sign at hospital ..that i wanted no games to be played with my child u cant just decide to pop in whenever its convient to your schedule .i had a father like that ..every couple of years isnt good enuf.

He popped up for first itme in 3 months last week speaking on how he wanted to be there for our child etc etc .. i told him how difficult this pregnancy has been i've been sick majority of the time these 5 month very sick .. he doesnt check up on me .. do anythign for me n hes' supposed to be living 4 hours away from here so there lies my anger in wtf is going here ... you cant be bothered to check in on me ..bring me a fuckin apple ... or call do anything .. and you lie for the 30000000time about your whereabotus and u wanna argue with me about u takig MY child upstate i'll be damned u cant tell me the truth about where you at when ur on your own .. how do i know u wont run away with my child .. and he's spoken about doing this before ...

I'll do this on my own i have support even though i feel very lonely .. i will survive as cliche as it sounds .. for my child .. for myself .. no matter how hard and painful it is.. i will give birth to healthy child i will sacrifce life n limb for it .. and god help him if he gets in my way again
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